January 28, 2014

A Beautiful Mess

                  


Last week I wrote on Facebook about how my day was pretty much going south, minute by minute.  My patience level was nil and I put my kids down for their naps 2 hours before their routined time because I.Was.DONE.  Several people commented about how it was refreshing to hear a mom being honest or that they were in the same boat.  I tend to only post about positive moments and memories that I want to remember about my kids or family - but I have realized that this might not always be a positive thing for everyone else looking in.  I may be unintentionally giving off the wrong impression.

I know with social media it is easy to come across as having the perfect life. I can tell you from experience that it can feel like everyone in the universe has their life together, except yourself.  Some days I scroll through instagram feeling like a failure because I didn't measure up to the wife who made her husbands favorite gourmet meal, taught her kids to count to 100 by two's, all awhile crafting the cutest DIY project for her perfectly tidy house while fitting in a cross fit workout and yoga class all in one afternoon.  I'm often looking at this on days where my child ate PB&J for lunch (for the millionth time in a row), my laundry is stacked as high as it possibly can, and my husband is begging for something other than eggs or leftovers.  

After looking through my own feeds, I realized that maybe I need to be a little bit more transparent.

Besides not having an immaculately clean house, failing to engage with my kids fully every day, and scarfing oreos instead of oranges (cause that would be the healthy thing to do when you have 15 pre pregnancy pounds to lose!)... I also have an ugly heart.

I am prideful, disrespectful to my husband, impatient with my kids, selfish, greedy, jealous, the list goes on and on.

So when you search my instagram know that while you see the image of my (super adorable) son, shaving his "beard" after going potty in the toilet for the first time- what you didn't see was me telling him that he couldn't paint that morning because I was too lazy deal with the mess or me being impatient with him because I didn't get enough sleep the night before because there were just a few more things I needed to pin on Pinterest.

You see a snapshot of the nightly walks I take with my husband - what you can hear is the 30 minutes of me ranting at my him for spilling salt on the floor after I had just mopped a few hours before.  I mean, can you believe he spilled the salt on my freshly cleaned floors?! That definitely deserves an hour reaming from his perfect wife, right? No one spills salt on the floor (that I JUST mopped) on accident.

You see me and my girlfriends hanging out crafting but what that one photo doesn't reveal was how I started gossiping about another friend or falling into the oh so easy sin of comparison and jealousy.

Y'all, my heart is ugly.  Very ugly.

The only good in me is Jesus.  And I don't say that to be churchy or say "the right thing", its the down right truth! He is being perfected in me daily.

On my own I fell flat on my face freshman year in college (that in and of itself is a testimony of the Lord that I would love to share with anyone in person), I love for my name to be made known, my heart without Jesus is self-seeking, self-glorifying, self-centered.

So while these images and snapshots may look pretty darn perfect let's just look at them with dare I say it, a grain of salt.

I'm just a wife and mom trying to capture sweet moments with her family.  Trying to soak up the good parts of the day - because one day I will want to look back and not remember the temper tantrums or the acts of pure defiance but the innocents of my little two year old and sweet snuggles with my baby.

My hope and prayer is that you look at a picture of me snuggling my 3 month old baby boy and see nothing of a "perfect life" but that of Jesus refining an ugly heart.  I hope that you see a woman who just wants Jesus to be glorified by all of the good in her life.  Because yes, my life is good - but it is far from perfect.

10 comments:

  1. So good! As I read this my son was telling me a crocodile ate his leg but my eyes kept reading while I gave him the, "ah-ha.." as I ignored him. We are all human. We are all sinners being refined by God.

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    1. yes we are. and goodness - the refining process is ugly and painful at times but the end product is beautiful.

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  2. Love this, Sarah. You speak what's on the minds of many of us. Thanks for the honesty :)

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    1. Thanks Maggie! I didn't know you had a blog! Excited to read it now!!

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  3. Just what I needed to day. Mini meltdown last night because i can NEVER keep with the house, and I feel like I can't keep up with life right now, working full time (wishing I didn't have to)... the list goes on :( :( :(. Thanks!!

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    1. Praying for you sister. If you saw my house right now you would laugh - messy doesn't even scratch the surface of how gross it is. I have the utmost respect for you working mommas.

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    2. Thank you for the prayers! When I stop self-wallowing I remember how blessed I am. But funny enough-- I just sat down to write a report for work after being in the kitchen for 1.5 hours getting bottles/pump parts and lunches ready for tomorrow, and starting to wallow, so instead of starting the report I ended up re-reading your post so I could properly re-focus, and saw your reply! Again needed at the right time! Oh- awhile back I tried to follow you on instagram not to stalk but so I might see some photos of your boys more regularly. In the case you are comfortable my name is kimwillard81 :)

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    3. Thank you for the prayers! When I stop self-wallowing I remember how blessed I am. But funny enough-- I just sat down to write a report for work after being in the kitchen for 1.5 hours getting bottles/pump parts and lunches ready for tomorrow, and starting to wallow, so instead of starting the report I ended up re-reading your post so I could properly re-focus, and saw your reply! Again needed at the right time! Oh- awhile back I tried to follow you on instagram not to stalk but so I might see some photos of your boys more regularly. In the case you are comfortable my name is kimwillard81 :)

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